As I sat in my room holding two small pieces of paper I though “this is ridiculous”. It’s not that I didn’t think about the worth of these two small pieces of paper. Instead it was about the fact that it looked like play money. I was disgusted by the way people would rake these up. They looked so dumb.
It’s weird that I had such a sobering revelation by two $1 notes. My friend literally gave them to me just the previous day. It was also weird to me that I didn’t think about the good qualities of those two small papers. I just saw the stupid way they looked. To be honest when I looked at old American Monopoly money and compared it with what I saw my answer would be quite obvious – This is so fake!
BUT it was not…
I wondered why it’s so easy for us as people to see the outside and say with false humility that we are actually looking at the inside. (Like I said in a previous post, humility is only easy if it’s false.) As I was wondering, I saw with clear eyes the imperfections that slowly rose to the surface.. I saw with clear eyes a flock of birds coming in my direction, as if they wanted me to go with them. I didn’t understand.
I had to be sobered up one more time before I would finally get it. I needed to look inside one more time before I would finally know what I didn’t understand. I just had to go through that emotions one more time before it was finally the end of a lifelong journey of pride. You see we think we will react different than everybody else. Everybody else becomes your enemy when you are consumed with feelings of insecurity and doubt.
Keeping myself I realized it’s only me against me; not me against the principalities as it should be.
My wondering continued… It became clear that those $1 bills would not only be the thing that would bring me to my senses. It would also be the very thing that changed my perspective on everyone I ever looked at with judgemental eyes. There I was on top of my cage, but I couldn’t even say those simple words “I love you, bro”.
My heart felt paper thin and I didn’t just feel the vulnerability going up my throat, but it was very vivid in my mind. I had to throw myself out there, not for the wolves, but for those very ones that would love the crap out of me. It worked, it really worked.
It is not just the Savior who lifted me to see. He is the very one who would die on the cross for me. He showed me not only love from above, but he showed me love on the earth. I remember the day where the fact that I had to close my eyes to feel connected with God changed. I suddenly started seeing him in faces opposite me. I felt Him in the face of those who would become the best people in my life. I saw Him when I stood on the stage leading those very people towards His heart.
Not only were those two $1 bills paper thin, but my veils became paper thin. It changed me. It honestly changed me…