The last couple of weeks have been everything but easy. Fall-ish cups of Pumpkin Spice Latte’s, frolicking in the fields, and Poison Oak, oh how familiar all of these seem to be. 100’s Of familiar faces all seemed so new, as if I’ve never met these people. Life seemed a little blurry. Awkward Hi5’s and hugs seem to fill the air, and the warm welcome embraces from those you have longed to see for days, weeks and months seemed to follow this weird phase.
I had this epiphany that everything seemed a little chaotic and that I was going to have to manage my inner-world really well. I didn’t know what anything I heard meant, but I knew I was to trust it. It was interesting. Revelation and application seemed like two completely separate subjects, completely unrelated. For some reason I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t figure out how to apply anything I knew. I felt extremely complacent, yet I was still doing the very things I was supposed to do.
As time progressed, it just became worse and worse. It was almost as if I had to convince myself really hard to do anything. Little did I know I was in a season change and that was actually really not a bad place to be in. I realized for the last 20 years of my life, I sub-conciously most of the time, did all the right things with the wrong motivation.
I was scared that I would be punished, and although it wasn’t the very front thing in my mind, it definitely had a great impact on me. Fear of punishment was my greatest motivation. I used to spend time with God, whether reading bible or whatever I was doing in that secret place session, being scared God would be mad if me if I didn’t do it. You don’t realize something like that until it’s not present in your life anymore.
In one of the very first weeks of being back in California a leader made the following statement:
"Love is the most powerful, when choices abound." – Haley Braun
This slowly started unraveling my whole idea of life. This is honestly where everything started falling apart. I didn’t want to go to church, class or anywhere. Usually this happens when people are depressed, but I was anything but depressed. One day I was processing this seeming tragedy. The Lord told me that He actually gave us a freewill and that He wants me to choose Him out of love. He basically told me that I was at the tail-end of a 20-year long season of fear. Once I realized that, I actually realized how powerful my choices to do things out of love for myself and for God can and will be.
I now choose the things I do and commit to through a lens of love for myself and for God. My motivation changed and I’m actually feeling way better about everything I approach. Positive self-talk also happens to be easier, and I almost have this attraction to whatever is good and pure.
Questions to ask yourself: (Be brutally real and honest with yourself.)
If I stop doing the things I’m doing, what will happen?
Am I scared that I will be punished if I don’t do things, fail to do them perfect or do them incorectly?
How is this affecting my relationships?
What am I believing that’s causing me to live in fear?
What can I do to break free from the cycle of fear?
With that said, let me dig into a couple things currently going on in my life:
My foot grew out:
I was called out during a service on a cheekbone accident I had when I was younger. I was asked if I had any pain in my body that could be prayed for, and I said no. My Revival Group pastor and some friends came over and asked if I was sure there’s nothing that could be prayed for, to which my response was, “Well my one foot is shorter than the other, if that matters.”
They prayed for me, and long story short my right foot grew out to the same size as the left foot. They are still the same size now. 🙂 (If you want any more information on that you could send me a message.) How is this even my life. How is this even my destiny.
Im going to Portland:
I will going on a ministry trip to Portland, Oregon from the 10-14th of November. This trip will be with Chris Overstreet, which is really exciting. I do not necessarily classify myself as an evangelist, although I have numerous words about that over my life. I love Jesus, and I love bringing Him to people through everyday life, without being weird about it. If you want to sow into my trip to Portland, you can do that by clicking here. Ask God how much you should give and then do it. Any extra will go towards my BIG MISSIONTRIP in April, which I will address next.
I’m doing mission work in Texas:
In April I will be going to Texas on a missions trip for 11 days. This trip to Texas will be focused on the presence of God and Family. We will be visiting a local church and activating them in street ministry as well as the prophetic. Then we will be traveling down to partner with a prison in South Texas where revival is already breaking out. This trip will be a great avenue to experience a fun and Holy Spirit led ministry time. If you have a heart for Texas or you feel an unction arising in your heart, I need you to respond. You can donate to the trip by clicking here.
The trip will be $1500, and there’s no way I can meet my goal without the generosity of people, and God’s ultimate provision. Ask the Lord how much you should give, and don’t hesitate, just do it. The Lord will bless you in turn.
21acts_of_love is still going strong:
I’ve been slowly making progress in thinking my way through some problems that would arise once I turn 21acts_of_love into a For-Purpose company. I’m also following Holy Spirit on which people to involve. This is fun, because it’s not yet the right season for this to happen, but it is awesome having dreams and visions grow for it.
I’m writing a book and devotion:
I’ve been on a journey of writing a book and devotion on becoming #UNSTUCK. I have no clue how long this process will take, but I’m planning on finishing it by next September.
Here’s a lill recap on getting from South Africa to Redding, CA: (If you need faith, watch it!)
I love Gifts and Surprises, letters as well as check in the mail 😉
11367 Hawley Road,
I love you all dearly,