Forgive my awkward pauses, fumbled notes and unrehearsed clauses on the way to the honeymoon suite. I’ve often found myself in a really difficult place of living for purity and abstinence, but having a sex-drive at the same time. This tension is now more real than ever.
In the 21st Century it's really easy but also extremely dangerous to look at the very sexualized world around you for the answers to your problems.
It doesn’t take a genius to know that sexuality has been shamed pretty much since the fall of mankind. As I look at scriptures, that which is God-breathed, it becomes clear that sex was never meant to be shameful. There is always purpose in having sex, when it’s in covenant. There is purpose in holding out till your honeymoon night. This also coming from the very God that some deem “religious”.
If God is so "religious", I doubt that he would have created sex or for that matter a sex-drive.
Through the last couple of years there’s been times where it has been pretty easy to choose hopelessness in the area of abstinence. That’s just it though, it remains a choice. Many people simply have no value for marriage. If I had to look at my environment for my journey, I would have given up or failed miserably. Childhood friends having children out of wedlock. So called “dad’s” leaving as soon as they hear the news. Friends living with their boyfriends or whatever examples have been around, often makes it really hard to find the truth, and even the worth of holding out till marriage. To be clear, I am not judging anyone, however I don’t agree with everyone’s actions either.
Over the years I’ve gotten many looks, I’ve been called many names, and I’ve been shamed for my decision to follow God, not to mention fight for my virginity. It’s really discouraging. Since when did shaming people for fighting the purity battle and encouraging people to “just use a condom” become the new normal? It’s pretty sick. Just imagine having to explain that to your children one day.
But there is HOPE! My sex-drive is a good thing. It means my body is working like it was originally designed to, however there’s a fine line between just having sex and being intimate and that is called marriage, signing the “it’s-just-a-paper”. God never intended for an one-night experience of bliss, where you wake up the next day abandoned and heart-broken. The beauty of holding out till your honeymoon night is that it’s not gonna abandon you the next day. God did intend it to be a sign of intimacy and covenant between a husband and wife. One husband and one wife. Learning more of His heart and His design for sex, makes abstinence come across as fatherly advice rather than a bunch of religious bullshit. God always wants to protect you, not restrict you. It makes the fight worth it.
So the million dollar problem becomes managing your sex drive, until the day, and beyond, that you get to become one with the person you will make a covenant with for the rest of your life. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard. I’ve spoken to many, some married and others not, some lost their virginity before and others celebrated the battle on their honeymoon night. All the stories of people who have won the battle would agree that it is 100% worth it.
In a negative world you sometimes just need positive examples. Being surrounded by healthy examples is one of the greatest ways you can protect yourself. Being honest about where you’re at with them will also be super helpful. They know the price of the fight, and they will be able to encourage you, when the world tells you to give up.
If you want to change the world, fortunately you have to look different than the world. The things you’ll fight will become your crown. You have to do the hard things instead of the easy things. You have to fight the battles instead of giving up. World changers have to be brave and vulnerable. You have to surround yourself with healthy people, even if you have to go search for them. Too many people give up too easily. You have to find your identity in the one who is the personification of Identity; God himself. We have got to start thinking about our children’s children.
So yeah I can make it to the honeymoon suite, and so can you! There’s absolutely no shame in it. In fact all of heaven celebrates it. Your fight for you is valid. Your journey is going to be successful. You are gonna make it after all.
To those who have made mistakes, there’s hope for you too! Repentance always restores the standard. You have to be powerful and take ownership, regardless of your story. While you can’t take back what you’ve done or change what’s happened to you, there’s understanding and grace. You can walk in full healing of your past. You can live the journey onward. And you can choose to now fight for you, your heart and your journey. You can do it!
Leave some comments if you have found some practical ways for you to stay true to you in the fight for abstinence. I’d also love your opinion on this topic. All my love,